My favorite Holiday?  Thanksgiving; cause there is football, you get to see your old sailor-tongued Uncle and drink whiskey drinks.

My second favorite Holiday?  Christmas, cause it’s a long drawn out winter festival,  and you get to dress like Santa Clause and drink pepperminty whiskey drinks.

My third favorite holiday you ask?  Without question, Cinco de Mayo!  Is that a surprise?  Hear me out….You get to wear funny hats, you can sing with the Mariachi band, and the order of the day centers around enjoying the juice of the much-cherished Blue Agave plant.  Yeah…it’s on up there.

Uno, Dos, Tres, Cuatro, Cinco… De Mayo

 

In doing a little quick research in order to sound like I’ve been a Cinco de Mayo expert for years (as opposed to a guy who is merely cognizant of a situationally-suggestive reason to go purchase a bottle of Cabo), I learned the following about the holiday celebrated fervently by our southerly-hailing neighbors each and every 5^th day of May.

Bear with me here for a second…the forthcoming history lesson has a payoff at the end, which, coincidentally, is where a payoff ought to reside in a wording structured as such.

In 1862, or like a hundred freaking years ago, some Mexicans beat some invading French people in a battle located in the town of Puebla, Mexico.  This was a big deal for our Spanish speaking quadraspherical colleagues, and there has been a lot of talk about how this battle changed the outcome of the American Civil War by disallowing the French to aide the confederacy in its quest to continue the rape of the unwilling African servant.

Let me take a quick pause here—I mean, really?  I like to think God was always going to ext-na the avery-sla in that little tussle, but then again, I’ve been surprised by the crafty and mysterious Lord before and likely will be again.  Regardless, The Battle of Puebla is viewed by many as a pivotal event in modern North American civilization and marks the last time the continent has played host to an invading European army.

So some Mexicans living in the United States began celebrations marking the victory and each anniversary of thereafter, and by the mid-twentieth century, Cinco de Mayo festivities were popular in some parts of the county as a celebration of Mexican heritage…and rightfully so.

And Then There Was Beer…

Well as far as I know I don’t have any Mexican relatives, so how did this become a holiday in which I today encourage you to take fest?

The answer?

Beer.

Or more accurately the clever and timely promotional efforts of the beer industry who in the 1980s took Cinco de Mayo from a small regional ethnic commemoration to a nationally-reveled salute to all things Cancun-ey.

While perhaps not in the spirit of the original founders—call it social evolution—the modern day Guadalajaran Gala is fraught with clear shimmery tube-like margarita glasses, thick frothy Dos Equis mugs, and short stubby guitars strummed by equally stubby bull-fighters.  With Patron Silver, multi-colored sombreros, and all-you-can-spill-on-your-shirt chips and salsa, in this atmosphere, how can you not have perma-smile?

Make This Cinco a Good One

So call your buddies and meet them  this Saturday—oh snap, all the good holidays are on Saturday this year—at your local Mexican place (there is one 100 feet from you right now).

Oh, and for those of you paying attention during the history lesson, you may or may not have put together that Cinco de Mayo 2012 marks the 150^th anniversary of the Battle of Puebla, so if you miss it this year, you’ll have to wait until 2062 to appropriately observe an as-momentous occasion.   You’ll probably be dead then, so don’t Eff up this Saturday.

I leave you with a list for this year’s Cinco.

10 things to do on Cinco de Mayo before you die

1. Negotiate the price of a good bottle of tequila and share it with the bar.
2. Refer before an admiring crowd to the “Summer I spent in Jalisco.”
3. Add a cultural clothing article to your fashion collection, either by request or five-finger discount.
4. Tell the bartender that you are no longer able to see.  Wonder where that’ll get you…
5. Add a couple liters of Rosie’s salsa to your final bill so you can celebrate all weekend.
6. Impress someone with your knowledge of Mexican history…ok, don’t do that.
7. Amble uninvited into the kitchen to thank the chef for “the best Chili Colorado I’ve ever had!”
8. Try the really hot sauce….go on, it’s not that hot.
9. ***Number 9 Censored***
10. One up each other with your favorite “Most Interesting Man” quotes.  Mine?  “He lives vicariously through himself.”

Live vicariously through yourself, have a good safe time, and make sure you’ve got some Mariachi Cobre queued up on the iPod for the cab ride home.

Kinzer

Have to tack this movie quote on from The Three Amigos:

Amigo: “Bartender, we’ll have three beers please!”

Barman:  “All we got’s tequila.”

Amigo:  “What’s tequila?”

Barman:  “It’s like beer.”

Amigo: “Ok, we’ll have three tequilas!”

Places to Get Your Cinco On

• Amendment XXI: 12pm-Cinco de Mayo Party with Shane Wilson and Coldwater
• Humphrey’s Bar & Grill: 5pm- Cinco de Mayo Party
• Bandito Burrito (Madison): 7-11pm Cinco de Mayo! featuring Kosmic Mama
• Latin Class and Party: 8pm-1am Southern Elegance Dance Studio
• Finnegan’s: 9pm- Cinco de Mayo Party
• Voodoo: 9:30pm- Lance Almon Smith Band

Or hit up your favorite Mexican restaurant for margaritas! Let us know where you’re going this year to get your Cinco on in the comments section below!