All the time I hear about taking the children to Disney World, what they’ll like, what they won’t like, and how to buy matching tee shirts with mouse ears on them that say Williams Family 2017 Spring Break Vacation at Disney World.
But what if you don’t have kids?
I’ve been way too many times to actually buy into the whole “Disney is just for kids.” Screw that. It’s fun. It’s silly. It’s magical. And I don’t need to justify anything!
So, to fill that void, I made a handy-dandy guide to Disney without kids (or kids that can stay up late and hold their liquor).
Disney World for Grown-Ups
Nobody goes in May. Seriously, May is in the off-season because it’s sandwiched between spring break and summer vacation. If there are no tiny humans with you, forget the school schedule.
Other good times to go are late August, some September (non-Labor Day) dates, November, January, February, early March. Basically, when the kids are in school and there are no holidays.
Avoid the Magic Kingdom during the day. Do the other parks during the day.
MK is where the highest concentrations of the stroller patrol will be found, using their children as battering rams (I have a cut foot to prove it).
Usually after 9:00 pm, during fireworks, the ride lines get shorter. Use this time to hit headliners. Pirates of the Caribbean, Space Mountain, Haunted Mansion, Big Thunder Mountain Railroad, It’s A Small World, Peter Pan. Just get a fast pass.
[Note: Magic Kingdom seems to be closing earlier. Not sure if it’s a cost cutting measure because they’re building Pandora and Star Wars land, but this can affect my schemes. In April, they closed at 11 or 12 and lines didn’t get shorter because parents kept their kids up till close. But if you can go when MK closes at 1 or 2: jackpot!]
Epcot: Drinking Around the World. Kind of self-explanatory. I’ve never been able to do it in one go.
Hollywood Studios is still a half day park for now. When you’ve done the few rides they have, hit the Hollywood Brown Derby restaurant. If you don’t have reservations, you can sit outside in the lounge and order off the bar menu.
You have to get the grapefruit cake. Seriously.
Animal Kingdom is pretty and they have monkeys. Great for people (and animal) watching.
It’s also the place to get a Dole Whip with rum in it. Or coffee with liquor in it.
Enjoy non-park stuff. Disney Springs is open late and full of restaurants and live music. Jock Lindsey’s Hangar Bar is way too obscure of a Raiders of the Lost Ark reference for most people to notice, but a nice treat. Also, there’s a cigar room called Sosa Family Cigars.
Disneysprings.com for a full list of cool stuff.
Get a good resort. Stay on the property, but get a resort that’s moderate or higher. Better pools, bigger rooms, better bars, less kids. If it was in the budget, I’d love to do Boardwalk. It has bars open till 2:00 am and is accessible to Epcot by boat.
Speaking of boats, ride some. There’s a boat from Epcot to Hollywood Studios. Sure it takes a while, but it’s fun. Take the boat to Tom Sawyer Island at Magic Kingdom when you wanna get away from people for a while. There usually aren’t a lot of people there and it’s HUGE.
Be leisurely. The main mistake people make is that they don’t look around at all the detail. Look at the detail.
Look for Hidden Mickeys. Eat at fancy restaurants.
Leave the real world behind you. Just be a kid again.
A kid that can stay up late and order alcohol.